Leaving
by IthinkIthinktoomuch
Summary: Simon is still sixteen while everyone he knows has grown up and are already adults.He decides to accept his Mark and leave New York to wander.But before he can,he needs to say goodbye. I plan on writing about all the characters. Rated T for slight curses.
1. We'll Miss You

Author's Note: This is kind of like a rewrite of my other story "She Loves You More" but it is kind of different, very different actually. But the two have similar concepts(ish) so please read and/or review on both. And check out my other story while you're at it yeah? They're pretty much all about Simon to a large point. I wrote this after realizing how messed up "She Loves You More" was thanks to a review, so feel free to review how wrong that story is. Please be nice on reviews though. Pretty please. :)  
>Anyways... enough of my boring babble. On to Simon! Lol. :D<p>

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><p>Simon lay down in the couch within his bare apartment. He was sixteen, stil, while Clary and everyone else were adults. Clary was twenty-one years old already, and, as she was turning twenty-two soon, was nearly six years older than Simon. Clary was engaged at that point, to none other than the man who rang the doorbell at Simon's.<p>

Simon got up and opened the door. "Thanks for coming by, Jace," Simon greeted. Jace didn't respond to the greeting, merely walking into the apartment and gazing around as Simon closed the door.

"Well, Lewis," Jace said finally. "Your apartment sure is... Minimalist. I like it. None of those souvenirs and photographs lying around everywhere like when you lived with your mom." Jace always greeted Simon, if it could be considered a greeting, with insults. "Besides, how old does she think you are? How can you pull off as twenty-one?" Jace was genuinely curious when he asked, though he still managed to maintain his usual sarcastic and demeaning tone.

"Why don't you stop insulting my living conditions before I answer any questions?" Simon replied. He was more exasperated than annoyed when he said it though."Just take a seat. And for the record, whatever I do to hide stuff from my mom is none of your business."

Responding to Jace's remarks though, he realized that his apartment really was extremely minimalist. The walls were bare, one entire side of the living room made of glass, offering a large window to view New York the few shelves containing books, music, manga and movies were neat, nothing out of place. He didn't take any of his photographs or souvenirs when he moved. Instead he had written down all he remembered, happy times and sad times, into a journal, tucked away in a messenger bag in his bedroom.

The teenager and the man were sitting opposite each other by the time Jace said,"Too embarrassing to tell me? I'll find out eventually. In any case, why'd you call and tell me to come here alone? It's one of the very few times you'd willingly be anywhere near me without Clary or Isabelle around."

"Though it is true that I don't like you," Simon started,"Clary does. And you two are having your wedding in a few days." Jace interrupted.

"And you're sad that you're unholy and can't go onto hollowed ground to be at the wedding?" Jace asked in a more sarcastic tone than usual. "Well no point complaining to me about it. And remember, Clary won't be a Fray anymore after a few days so don't even think of calling her that," Jace said with motive to annoy. Instead of looking irritated though, Simon just looked out his window with a blank look in his eyes.

"Done talking, Jace?" Simon asked rather coldly. Jace felt something was off with him, but did not mention it. He just leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, waiting for Simon to speak. The teenage vampire glanced to his side and upon seeing Jace turned his head back to face the blonde.

"Well as you said I can't go to you and Clary's wedding, and I had no plans to." Jace raised an eyebrow, staying silent, waiting for the teenager to say more. "You two are getting married. Clary and you will literally be each others soon. I don't need to be here." Simon looked straight into Jace's eyes when he said this, his dark eyes seeing Jace's grow larger in shock.

Jace closed his eyes for a while, covering his face with his hand in thought, before asking,"So you're saying you're going to leave New York before the wedding?"

"Pretty much," Simon simply said, not denying or defending anything. He had been thinking long and hard when he made his decision. He expected the responses he's receive when he broke the news.

"What about Clary?" Jace asked, questioned, in an accusing voice. He voice wasn't even as he talked, which was very unlike him. "She cares about you and you're not even going to be there to support her after getting married? Why?"

Simon took in a deep breath and sighed, an unnecessary action that he normally took to clear his head and think. He stood from his chair and walked over to the large window and looked out. A shimmering view of nighttime New York could be seen. Looking out the window with his half lidded brown eyes, his hands tucked in his jeans' back pocket, Simon would have looked like any other troubled teenager. That is, had he been human and not with alabaster and pore less skin, and that unearthly beauty that all vampires had.

"I care about Clary times more than she does for me. Me leaving, it'll be the best for her, for everyone. You guys are getting older and I'm not. Being together with someone who never ages, it's just be wrong. It worked when you were younger, but the gap is just going to get bigger and bigger.

"Imagine by the time you guys are thirty and I'm still sixteen. Do you think Clary and I can still be the same best friends we used to be? We can't. If I drift apart slowly from everyone over time, people are just going to get hurt. I might as well leave now and spare that."

Jace processed Simon's words silently. Then he responded with one simple question. "Do you believe what you plan on doing is right?" Jace's piercing eyes stared at Simon as he asked his question. And Simon's stares back at his as he answered.

"Yes. Yes I do." The two continued to eye each other for quite a while before Jace sighed and asked another question. "Are you going to tell anyone?"

Simon shook his head. "No. I'll send flowers to Clary on her wedding day. I'll have a letter for her to read after your honeymoon to say that I left. By then she'll have you to help her go on with life." As Simon said these words, he could not help but feel sadness and nostalgia piling up in his unbeating heart. Jace noticed the sad emotions that had crept into his voice.

"You've been in her life forever. You don't think she'll be devastated to read that you left her?" Jace couldn't really care much less about Simon, but he cared about Clary. Jace did not want Clary to get sad over Simon's actions.

"Friends come and go now don't they? That's all I ever was, it's all I ever will be." Simon's voice was filled with pure sadness as he spoke what he knew to be true. Even Jace felt sorry for the vampire. "Like I said, it might make her sad, but it'll probably just hurt her to see me sixteen as she gets older. It'll probably hurt everybody that way.

"The best thing I can do for everyone is leave. Besides, it's what I'm destined for. Remember?" Simon held his hair from his forehead to show Jace the Mark. "Clary gave me this Mark. She mustn't known this would happen eventually."

By then, Jace had accepted the fact that Simon was leaving, but questions still still hung around in his mind unanswered.

"What changed? Why are you doing it now of all times?" Jace asked. Jace wasn't too fond of Simon's company. However, if Simon was going to tell him his plan anyway, he might as well answer his questions too.

"What changed?"Simon repeated the question. He shrugged before answering. "Everything. Everyone. Except me." Simon smiled, the tragic smile that he had come to be using more and more often. The smile he only used when he didn't want something, but got to accept that it would never change. Jace saw that smile, that expression on Simon's face, and had one last query for Simon to answer.

Jace looked down at the floor, observing the carpet, as he said,"You don't want to leave." He didn't say it as a question, he was merely stating a fact. Simon didn't need to be asked though, he still answered the questions in Jace's head.

"No. No I don't. But I don't want to stay either. It'd feel like I'll be taking their lives away from those special to them." Simon had his hands out of his pockets then. He was staring down at them with angry and disgusted eyes. Even after all those years, he still couldn't accept himself for what he was, a vampire. "'You'll live forever, but not everyone will.' Thats what Camille told me before. I was immature then, I pushed the idea as far away from my thoughts as I could. It didn't matter though. The idea caught up to me eventually, and it hurt 'cause it was true. Everyone, you all don't have eternity. Best for you guys to make the most with the time you have."

"Will you really leave?" Jace asked this more seriously than any of the questions before, already knowing the answer, merely wondering how the vampire boy would answer. His eyes met Simon's once more.

"Yes." As Jace suspected, Simon was dead serious. Jace looked out the window, just as Simon was too, thinking long and hard of what he should say. "Clary, Isabelle, everyone really. They'll want you to stay. Are you just going to leave everyone without a goodbye?" Simon listened, but made no reply. "But you'll still be in contact with us right? Cellphone, email, that kind of stuff?" Jace was doubtful with every question he asked, but felt he should ask them anyway.

"No. You guys won't need me for anything anymore. You guys can be happier with me gone that without."

"Huh." Jace said. He folded his arms over his chest once again and leaned back in his chair. "Well for a sixteen year old, you're being very mature." Jace was through with the seriousness, returning to his sarcastic way of talking. Simon was obviously through with the tension too, evident from his reply.

Simon waved his hand in Jace's direction, saying,"Yeah yeah yeah. You done talking blondie?" Jace glared at him playfully, a smirk playing on his lips. Jace got up from the chair he ha been sitting in and walked over to Simon who was leaning casually against the wall.

He still had that smirk on his face as he held out his hand. "I pray God bless your travels, Daylighter. Please try not to blow people up," Jace said with sarcasm, teasing, and genuine well wishes all at once.

Simon shocked him with his reply. As he shook Jace's hand, he said,"Nah. God damned my life a long time ago." Jace's eyes widened in shock. Simon laughed at his reaction.

Jace didn't hide His disbelief as he asked Simon,"How-How did you say that word?" Simon laughed even more at Jace's uncharacteristic stuttering. He filled his reply with sarcasm.

"Well pretty boy, maybe your amazing brain can figure it out eventually. But for now," Simon watched Jace glare at him as he pointed to his front door."Get the hell outta my house so I can pack."

"Gladly." Jace said proudly. As he stood at the open doorway, his one hand still on the knob, he looked back at Simon, his position no different from half a minute ago. Then, he said what was the nicest thing he said to the teenage boy. "We'll all miss you, Simon." Jace didn't receive any response, so he closed the door and left the building.

Simon remained still, looking out his window. He saw Jace's body, his bright hair reflecting moonlight, as he made his way back to the Institute, back to the people he, they, loved. Simon's eyes remained black and expressionless as his sadness remained bottled up inside.

"I'll miss everyone more."

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><p>Soo... Good? Bad? Horrible? Decent? Please review with your thoughts :D<p>

P.S. Cyber cookies given to all reviewers ^_^


	2. Emptiness

So I've decided that from now on all my author's notes will be on top and not below. Mainly because I think it really makes the endings worse because the deepness and stuff is thrown out the window. Anyways I thought Leaving would just be a oneshot but then I thought of ideas that I wanted to write so I went to writing this update. :)

Its's shorter than the other chapter by quite a lot. And I feel like this chapter is written worse, but I still want to upload it. Anyway this chapter is about Clary. Sorry beforehand if she is very OOC here because Im not too familiar with Clary. I plan on writing another chapter soon but it might take some time considering it's exam period where I am and I'm supposed to be studying. I obviously am not though. :)

Read and review on this story please. Reviews encourage me to write faster and better :D

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><p>Clary was standing in a room in the Institute, waiting for the time to arrive where she'd walk down the aisle with her step dad Luke and be given off to Jace. She was excited to finally be wed to the man she loved, yet nervous she might make a fool of herself in front of countless strangers.<p>

Isabelle, her bridesmaid, wasn't in the room with her, having business of her own to attend to. It was customary for Shadowhunters to have their weddings in Institutes. The Clave would not have it any other way, no matter how Clary disapproved. She had wanted Simon to be at her wedding too, yet he had been out of contact for the past few days. She had been worried that he was avoiding her, just as Jace had done many times before.

Those worries of hers were relieved the day before her wedding, when she received a bouquet of flowers addressed from Simon. The bouquet itself was beautiful, comprising of assorted flowers: Cherry blossoms; orange blossoms; peonies; tulips; carnations; alyssums and ivy. The colors of the many different flowers harmonized and contrasted with each other in ways that entranced. Coming with the bouquet was a letter, handwritten by Simon in his neat casual handwriting.

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><p><em>Dear Clary,<em>

_I had this bouquet arranged specially for your wedding. The flowers in it symbolize happiness, beauty, and love. It is my way of expressing my well wishes on your coming marriage._

_I'm sorry for not having been in contact, and I feel horrible that I can't be there for you on your wedding. I'm sorry, and I hope I can be forgiven._

_In any case, you're soon going to be a Herondale and you'll be his. I'm sure you two will have a happy future together. Just try not to forget about me and the others, yeah?_

_I can't imagine a better person than Jace for you to get married to, and I know you two will have a great future. I understand you love him a lot, but don't forget about the others that love you too. I may not, but your mom and Luke are getting older just like you are. Never take the ones you love for granted._

_At your wedding, I want you to have fun, enjoy the day you become bound to your lover. As I said before, I wish you two well._

_Lots of love,_  
><em>Simon<em>

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><p>Clary smiled as she reread the letter for the hundredth time. She thought she knew the reason Simon told him not to take her loved ones for granted. Simon himself had never had a father in his life to love and raise him. <em>He must've been thinking of his father<em>, Clary thought. The redhead thought back at all the times before with Simon. She loved how she could not recall a memory where Simon had been unkind or misunderstanding. Simon had been with her through thick and thin, yet she found that there was a part of her that empty.

Simon and Clary weren't popular in high school, but they weren't unpopular either. They were in that grey area in between. Simon loved Clary, but Clary never showed any signs of those feelings before meeting Jace. It was as if Jace really was the only guy for Clary. And now she got to marry him.

Clary took Simon out of her thoughts, focusing only of the man she loved, the man to whom she'd be wed. _I'll talk to Simon some other time_, she thought. And the wedding went off without a hitch.

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><p>When Clary got back to her house after the honeymoon, she saw her mother Jocelyn waiting on the couch, alone. She had a sad emotion on her face, veiled by the smile on her face as she went to hug her daughter.<p>

"You're alone, honey? Well that's fine. I hope the honeymoon went well." Jocelyn hugged her daughter tightly, and her daughter hugged her tightly back.

"It went great mom. Thanks for taking care of me and Jace's house." Clary separated from her mother, smiling.

"Well I didn't do it alone."

"Luke helped?"

"No, it was someone else..." Jocelyn drifted off, then smiled. "Well, I'll be off now. I think you'd want to go into your room though. Bye, darling." Jocelyn kiss her still short daughter on the cheek and gracefully left the house.

Clary wandered around the house Jocelyn and Luke has bought for her and Jace. It was very sophisticated. The walls blacks and whites and greys, the furniture colorful enough to have character but not enough to look too much. Jace and Clary both loved it.

Clary didn't know what to expect when she walked into her and Jace's bedroom. When she saw a bouquet of flowers with a letter placed delicately on the bed, she wondered what it was for. Surely all the flowers to celebrate her wedding were already sent.

She looked closely at the bouquet before opening the letter. She saw that the bouquet consisted of daffodils, forget-me-nots, geraniums, irises and tulips. All over, it had ivy and sweet peas.

The bouquet was truly beautiful. Sweet peas, white, pink and purple, and ivy delicately framed the bouquet. Purple and blue forget-me-nots matched perfectly with pink geraniums. Cream tulips, white irises and daffodils contrasted with the dark flowers gorgeously. As the artist that Clary was, she could not help but admire the bouquet's beauty.

Then she read the letter, and her serene smile disappeared to be replaced by a mouth of surprise.

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><p><em>Hey Clary,<em>

_I hope you liked the bouquet. The flowers used in it were chosen for symbolic meaning. I'll tell you what those meaning are after congratulating you first._

_You're finally the Herondale you dreamt of becoming. I'm happy for you. I'll wish for you and Jace to have a happy future._

_Time has gone by really fast since we both were sixteen hasn't it? I miss the time when I had you all to myself. Those were a long time ago, but I like to cherish them._

_As far as I remember, you and Jace fell for each other days after you two met. I know that you love him and he love you. I trust him to love and protect you too._

_That being said, I just want you to know that I won't be staying with you forever. I really can't. I know the two of us didn't want to think of this, but I will be sixteen forever. That's a long time._

_I could never be with you like I could when we were both teenagers. It's just too hard, and frankly, you know it too._

_I'm going to start doing what I was meant to. Wander. I know the Bible, Cain never got an easy way out._

_I don't want you to feel sad though. That's the absolute last thing I want to happen. So that's why I'm writing this letter. Because saying goodbye face to face would hurt too much, for me and for you._

_The flowers mean different things. Daffodils can symbolise unrequited love; forget-me-nots stand for true love and memories; geraniums mean true friends; gardenias mean secret love; the irises are meant to represent our cherished friendship; ivy friendship and affection; the cream tulips mean that I'll always love you; lastly the sweet peas say thank you for all the time we've shared, and goodbye._

_I'll really be leaving. And I'm leaving now because I can be sure that I won't be needed. And also because I want to avoid hurting those I care about. I'm sorry for being the jerk not saying goodbye to your face. You can even hate me all you want, but my mind is still made up._

_Goodbye, Clary. I love you._

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><p>Clary finished reading the letter, her expression sad and grim. She gingerly placed the letter back in the envelope it came in, then went to put it on her bedside table before taking the bouquet into her hands. She looked at the bouquet, thinking of the sad meaning the flowers had. The bouquet reminded her of Simon. Beautiful and appealing on the outside, but with tragedies kept hidden from the rest of the world.<p>

She found a painted porcelain vase and filled it with water, then put the bouquet flowers inside. She arrange the bouquet such that each flower could be seen, their sadness and meaning entirely exposed to her. She felt it was an analogy of how Simon was. Showing only their beauty to the world, letting their weaknesses show only to the ones he needed. It was actually an analogy to Jace too, but he was, for a very rare moment, out of her mind. She placed the vase on her drawer top.

She then walked over to her closet, half filled with dark Shadowhunter gear, and the other half filled with brighter, casual clothes. From underneath them, she took out a small box and went back to her bed. She reached out to get the letter from her bedside table and put it into the box.

In the box were a thick scrapbook, an even thicker photo album, several friendship bracelets, keychains, CDs, thumbdrives, and the newly put in letter. Clary used the box to keep all the things that Simon gave her and all the photographs that he and her were in.

She took the photo album and put the box down to the floor. She began looking through the photo album, finding old photographs of Simon and Clary in kindergarten. As she continued looking through the pictures, her tear continued streaming down her face.

She was finally married to the man she chose. She had her own beautiful house which she shared with her beautiful husband. She was a fully trained and accomplished Shadowhunter. And yet, she felt emptier than she had ever felt before.


	3. Maybe

Okay so I find this chapter to be really horrible. But I figured since I already wrote it.. :P This is the final chapter for this story I guess, because I can't think of anything to follow this with.  
>May I just say that I am incredibly sorry for everything bad that I wrote here. so Imma stop ranting now ... R&amp;R :)<p>

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><p>Chairman Meow jumped onto the couch and curled itself up in the crook of the skinny dark haired teenager's arm. The teenage boy stroked Chairman Meow with his pale, ivory hand. The cat went on to take a nap as Simon continued to blankly watch the television.<p>

"Weren't you supposed to, oh I don't know, leave...?" Magnus said as he walked out of his kitchen, carrying a bowl of popcorn. His hair, dark, like Simon's, was as glittery as always, even at home. Clad in skinny jeans and a bright casual T-shirt, Magnus stalked over to the plush chair beside the couch. He then placed his booted feet on the coffee table, balanced his popcorn bowl on his legs, and watched the program with Simon.

"Hey," Simon said in a playfully rough tone. "Just because I'm not sparkly and colorful doesn't mean you have to kick me out."

"Are you sure?" Magnus raised an eyebrow, his green cat eyes full of amusement. The two immortals laughed. Chairman Meow stirred, but didn't move away from the coolness of Simon's hand, which hadn't stop stroking him.

The two watched TV for a while, the comfortable silence only being disturbed by the occasional purring and the tv program itself. When the show ended and Magnus turned the tv set off, Simon just glanced at him for a few seconds before tuning his head to stare at the ceiling.

"Hey," Magnus started in a quiet tone, gentler and not as arrogant as his usual. "I'm not judging you or anything, but weren't you the one who said leaving New York would be good for you? I mean, staying here in Brooklyn, even if you don't talk to Clary and the others anymore, isn't exactly coinciding with what you said."

Simon could feel Magnus's gaze on him, but he didn't look back. He just continued staring at the colorfully painted ceiling and stroked Magnus's cat. "I know I said I'd be leaving. I wasn't lying. But.." Simon drifted off. He felt tired, his half lidded brown eyes looking deep and in thought. "I just can't let go yet. You understand what I mean, don't you, Magnus?"

Magnus smiled slightly, his expression sad as he reminisced his past, the moments when he had to let go. "I do understand. Letting go of the memories are hard. I think letting go of your family is the hardest. For you at least…"

"For me? Why not you?"

"Because I didn't have a family to let go. My mom hung herself and I killed my dad when he tried to kill me. I wasn't like you, needing to let go of a family." Magnus paused for a while, before he added, "I'm not sure I can really empathize, but I wouldn't rush you to leave New York."

"Thank you," Simon said gratefully. The small smile that appeared on his face while listening to Magnus was gone, his facial expression turning grim, the sadness apparent on his smooth skin. He stayed perfectly still as Magnus walked over and lifted his cat and walked away, not before closing the curtains in the living room.

"It's in the afternoon. If you're a vampire maybe you should sleep like one?" Magnus called out to Simon as he walked to his bedroom. Simon's eyes followed Magnus until he reaches his room and shut the door behind him.

Simon could feel the pull of sleepiness alluring him to sleep. And, for once, he let himself. He had no difficulty falling asleep like he did at night, and his sleep was just as, if not more, peaceful. Before, Simon tried to counter his nocturnal ways so he could continue acting normal. As normal as he could get with his condition. But that afternoon he just embraced what he was, and it felt, somehow, right.

When he woke up, a few rays of moonlight were passing through a crack in the curtains, providing a small amount of dim light in the room. He felt refreshed and rejuvenated like he never had since he was reborn as a vampire.

It didn't matter whether human or not, there is always that certain special moment after a good sleep. That special moment where you feel free, no thoughts in your mind at all as it slowly brings itself back to reality. Simon hadn't felt that free in a long time. It was a nice change.

Simon stretched his long arms out as he lifted himself off Magnus's couch and made his way to the kitchen. He felt thirsty and looked inside the cupboards for a cup before opening the fridge to look for a pitcher of water. Then, he saw something that caught his attention. A jug of familiar colorful liquid. It continued bubbling even after Simon closed the fridge door.

_Wonder what he keeps that rat potion for_, Simon thought as he leaned against the kitchen countertop drinking his water. He put the cup down and walked over to the couch. He left it as messy as it was and threw his jacket on. Then he opened the window, and jumped.

The curtains fluttered as Simon soared through the skies, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, no longer holding back. It felt right.

Simon jumped and ran, and eventually found himself on the rooftop of a skyscraper across from the Statue of Liberty. The statue was to his back. He stood on the rooftop, seeing the New York skyline in all its glory.

Simon realized that while he'll live forever, he'll have all the time in the world to see these breathtaking images. Life is measured by not the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Simon didn't have to breathe, but he understood the saying.

_Maybe... Living forever won't be that bad_. Simon stayed on the rooftop. Time passed by as he just looked of into the distance. For once in a long time, Simon smiled earnestly. Not with sadness or regret, but with anticipation and acceptance. Maybe he wasn't as cursed as he believed himself to be...


End file.
